Are We Doing Our Kids A Disservice?

Sometimes we are doing our kids more harm then good. It's always said when someone gets power they will usually use it unrighteously or incorrectly. I guess Parenting is no different.

Good parenting is knowing what works with which child. Personally i was the kid that needed a swat on the butt to get the point.

Let's talk about those teenage years when kiddo get's mouthy and starts to push the boundaries with attitude and individuality. First let me start by saying this: Most parent think the teenage years are too late to begin instilling boundaries. You're right, but only to a point. As the parent you make the rules, you can change adjust and create new one's as you see fit. It's most important to stand by your intentions and make sure you can and will follow them through. I personally would have had a hard time respecting a parent who made the same idle threats over and over... and over and over... and over. I do appreciate that my parents pretty much followed through with what they said they were gonna do.

Lets go with an example:
Dear friend Alyce who lives down south has a Teenage son. I believe he's 16 years old. Doesn't do laundry. Doesn't Really cook. Wont help with the house cleaning. Have various Video Games, An electric guitar and all the gear that comes with it. Walks out on his mom in the middle of conversations, stays locked in his bedroom playing his video games all evening.
One day as she was speaking with him, he just got tired of the conversation turned his back and walked into his room while she was in Mid sentence.
I was in a state of disbelief. She just simply said.. "I hate when he does that." Again in shock I asked.. "he's done it more that once??" "Oh he does it all the time."

WOW. SERIOUSLY WOW

*AND ARE YOU OK WITH IT???" I asked rather loudy??? She wasn't ok with it but

"Really what can I do about it..?"



*blank stare* She was seriously.
K, well lets see... What in the "AYCH" is wrong with this situation?


First of all, there is no way in HECK I'm going to work all day, pay for bills, to provide clothes, food and a roof over some child's head and have them treat me this way. That's JUST not gonna happen.

One Mother's day my daughter and I got into pretty bad. I took away every privilage she had for a month and allowed her the basics: She could eat, she had her clothe her and whatever she paid for and gifts that were "owned" by her from other people. And she cold sleep in her bed. No TV, no computer, no bike, no scooter, no roller blades. She had to find a way to earn money to do her own laundry for the month. She had to cook her own food. The argument had something to do with me letter her know that someone needed help with something and I was sending her over that week to help. She started yelling at me in the car, saying she NEVER is able to do anything, have any fun, I'm alway making her help other people and I never think about what she wants to do.
Keep in mind, She's an only child rarely in trouble, always able to go out and play because she had good grades, and rarely got in trouble. But I'm not sure what happened this day, but she pissed me off And I said...

"Ok Since I never give you anything or let you do anything and never think about what you want, you get to live for one month of me really not giving you anything, doing anything for you and letting you have anything I've given you."
I believe she was about 12 or 13 at the time

My friends, was this an example of parenting gone wrong? Probably. I understand as parents we do the best we can with the knowledge we have. My reasoning was if she could see what life was like w/o me doing a thing for her, she would think more differently. I wanted her to learn how to help other people and serve others because soo many people had served and helped us out. She needed to realize that and to be honored to help pay it back to others.


This was such a HARD punishment! I missed her after the first 3 days. I wanted her to come and watch our favorite tv shows or go out and play basket ball or rollerblading with our blow in the dark puck and hockey sticks.

It was a good experience for both of us. She got the point I was making. She really didn't realize how much she is given and how much she has. I realize that there are times for EXTREME parenting and times for just a firm hand.

We need to find the balance. If you have a kid that isn't pulling his weight in the family.... take some weight off of them: Maybe they need not have all those video games, bicycles, and what not until they can show they deserve it.

Maybe they need not have a cell phone or a tv until they can be responsible enough to keep their chores done. MAKE THEM EARN IT!

Most parents have given their child a cell phone they say for their OWN well being?

I play the BullCrap card on that. Our parents and Grandparents were just as concerned about our well being and we didn't need cell phones. House phones still work. Gas station phones still work. Their friends all have phones that work.

My daughter got her phone at the age of 16. She started asking for one at the age of 13. She had to earn it. Parental respect should be a part of EVERYTHING they earn. Not just doing chores and getting good grades. Being a good family member is all factored into the Earning of privileges.

I have heard some kids speak to their parents in a way I can't even Imagine speaking to my parents. And what is up with kids just flat out disobeying. Refusing to clean and do anything asked of them? Or Bargaining. Yeah, My household is NOT a swapmeet.

On the other hand, Parents..... sometimes we Pawn our kids. Turn them into little slaves and house keepers. This is more for the single father. The one who doesn't clean up after himself so well but expects the kids to do the brunt of the housework that dad should be doing and maintaining.
Don't mean to call you out Papa's but I've seen this time and time again.

Another problem single Papa's have: Taking the children when it's convenient and not as regularly planned. Sadly I have seen kids pushed aside for a night of potential sexual enjoyment from an off again on again nowhere fling.

I have seen kids picked up to help clean house for company that may be staying for a week or so.

I have seen the latest wii or dsd game purchased instead of child support being sent.
I have seen money saved and scraped to go out the club or to visit someone of the opposite gender, but the same care and regard is dismissed to even go to a swim meet or basketball game of a son or daughter.


The sad thing of it all? The kids know. They ABSOLUTELY know when and why they are being pawned off or brushed off for the weekend. I have heard them voice it and I have seen it with my own eyes.

I have 3 girls concerned about the love their father's have for them. They are very aware of the many women daddy "dates." So many they say and I quote... "I think one day he's going to throw me away just like he throws them way. There are so many. I love my daddy but he's WRONG." (out of the mouth of a 12 year old)

I have a son concerned that his mom is going to come home pregnant one day. "she goes out all the time with different men. I got in trouble for calling some guy by the wrong name... how am I supposed to keep them straight?" (this was a 10 year old)

*ouch*

Being a single parent is already difficult for parent and child. It is not necessary for your kids to come in contact with or even really know every single person you go out with. If you don't know if they're going to be around for the long haul why introduce your child to a revolving door of people in and out of their lives? I teaches them that the opposite gender is Expendable, disposable and it really does play on their self esteem.


As a parent, you want to be loved and respected. Not feared or respected out of fear.

I want them to obey because they love me and because it's the right thing to do. As parents we have to create that atmosphere in our homes. We also need to be the example of it.
There are obviously things as a parent that you will be able to do that your child wont. And they will play that card...."how come you can do this and I cant? How come you can have this but I cant?" As a parent you have learned how to handle things wildly that a child doesn't know about. As a parent you are paying bills for things that your children are not yet able to. We all have to wait in our lives. We have to learn, work and earn certain things. Through that come the wisdom, experience, and gaining of responsibility that allow us to have those things.
My daughter and I had this discussion many times over the years.

The best way for us to teach is by example. Most of us think so highly of ourselves that we figure if our kid is just like us they will do well. That's just not so. I'm not a bad person and I'm not a great person but the world doesn't need another me.

I don't think I ever said Don't do as I do, do as I say. However if my bedroom was a mess i did expect my daughter to clean hers. I wanted to teach her to be better than I was at it. I also realized, when I did chores, she did them too. When I neglected mine, she sort of did too. So that puts it on US as parents to be the visual example of what we are asking of our children.

In closing I want to put in the air the HOME LIFE is where our children learn to deal with the world. We learn how to love, fight, compromise, clean, communicate, share, cook, be responsible at home first. We learn how to be a community in our homes first.
When I don't get along with a co-worker or neigbor, I remember how I got around it with a sibling or a cousin. I remember learning how to negotiate sharing the TV with my siblings. We gain these skills in the home. Homes these days have forgotten how to teach these kinds of skills. Family members not knowing how to tolerate and be patient and share with each other. Everyone has their own tv, computer, cell phones, ps2's etc. There is no need for them to learn how to share, compromise, negotiate, communicate or even be social and civil with one another. Which in reality sounds ALOT like the world around us if you ask me.

A breakdown in the family is the first breaking down of the community.

This ought not to be. Think long and hard about what you would like your kids to learn and then realize what you really are and are not teaching them.