Every Shut Eye Ain't Sleep!

Grandma used to say it aaalllll the time: "Every shut eye ain't sleep." And she would say it in regards to children knowing more than we think they know. Grandma is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Parents your children know more of what's going on than you think they know and that can be a scary thing. It is so very important that we live our lives so they'll want to emulate us instead of having to make excuses and protect us. In an atmosphere of hypocrisy, half truths, and serving our temporal and immediate desires instead of focusing on those eternal desires, this can be very damaging to our children and THEIR eternal goals. I remember reading my father's patriarchal blessing, it has a warning in it. And from his warning I have seen in many families that children fall into very thing that his warning entails:
"Your children will follow in what paths you travel."
This is not true of all families but in those I have counseled with and fellowshipped with regarding the gospel and their children, its been very true for the most part. You simply cannot teach one way in your home and live another way. Children become angry at the double standard they're being asked to see and live.They become frustrated and confused. Some spend years in this resentment while trying to sort out and strengthen their testimonies. Many fall away from the church and some never return. It's sad and a shame. I'm grateful that when my parents divorced, my mother never waivered in her church service or activity. She never allowed my sister and I to either. My father also remained active in church as well. So for me to associate divorce with church inactivity was something I'd never witnessed until moving out west. I saw a trend... "get divorced and go inactive" as if it was part of a 12 step program. It didn't occurred to me to stop going just because of separation or divorce. I think I would be clinging on to the church for dear life would have been step 2 in that 12 step program.

Back to our kids.
The children should have the opportunity to go to church with each parent. IT IS IMPORTANT for them to share those spiritual times and experiences with both parent. It keeps the family unit secure in the gospel and it lets them see and experience the Lords hand in healing and repairing family situations. I like that, It lets them experience the Lord hand in the healing. They should also be experiencing FHE, Family Prayer, Scripture reading and gospel discussions with each parent. This will not only keep building that foundation of Jesus Christ within the family, it will heal and help create a healthy partnership with the other parent.

As both parents are trying to keep their lives worthy of the Lord's blessings he will compensate for those difficult struggles we go through. Our part is to live worthily and teach our children to do the same. It is crazy to expect blessings for disobedience & slackness. The Lord gives our children certain protections for certain times because he is merciful. But he is also just. At some point as parents we need to take personal inventory of our lives, our actions and what messages good and bad, right and wrong we are giving our children. We are accountable for what we FAIL to do, our lack of acton, just as we are accountable for what we actually do. We have to look at ourselves and say ]
"What am I actually teaching my children and how is this going to effect them throughout the eternities? What am I failing to do at the expense of my children's spirituality and testimony? Am i being selfish and greedy? Are my goals eternal or temporal? Am I giving in to temporal desires at the expense of Eternal blessings? Am I teaching my children to do the same?"

Chances are your children know what you should and shouldn't be doing just as you know. Regardless of their confusion and anger and resentment about it, they love you. They will protect you. They don't want to disappoint you, make you angry or sad by ruffling feathers about it. Not too many kids will call their parents on their actions.

Parent's, Every shut eye ain't sleep. Children know. And most children follow in the paths of their parents. Remember whatever you're doing, it is either at the benefit or expense of your children

Props To My Parents

I would be very ungrateful if I didn't give props to my parents. They did the best they could with what knowledge they had. When you know better you do better. They weren't perfect,and made plenty of mistakes as we all will, but for me, they created an atmosphere where I can talk to them about any and everything. I'm not sure if my siblings feel the same way, but that's how I roll.

My parents were old school. They expected us to do what we were told when we were told to do it. They didn't waste their time asking us to do something 3 &4 times nor did they count to 5 or 10 after asking 3 or 4 times. They were consistant with their discipline and their threats were NOT idle. I think what I admire most about them was that they knew us. You would never hear them say "not my child...." if indeed it sounded like something we could have possibly done. I think my biggest pet peeve are parents who tolerate disrespect and are disrespected by their kids, but blow a gasket when someone informs them they're kids was disrespectful. My mother would often say "I've seen badley you can act when I am around. I don't doubt that you aren't that way when I'm not around." Thos were powerful words to me.

I'm gateful for the way my parents taught us. Some of their methods were extreme however it's an extreme world we're living in and some cases need extreme measures. I appreciate them encouraging our independance. Each of us were taugh and maintain a household before we left home. They did not coddle us or baby us into dependance on another person for survival. I appreciate that if I did something wrong at the neigbors house, or out in the streets that they would call me on it, and then the famous phrase..
"I'ma call yo mama and daddy and let them know too. They don't work hard all the time for you to be disrespecting their name with your actions" or " isn't Pearl your Grandmother? Now you know she didn't teach you to act like that! What would she do if she was you acting this way?" That's the one that would hurt. My grandparents were so well known in the community that you didn't want ANYTHING getting back to them. Not from fear, but from disappointment and disrespect to the family name.
yeah, that's how it rolled growing round my corner.

That's how I've tried to raise my daughter.. .old school. No lippy back talk. She knows where the line between Mama and friend is and when to cross it or stay away from it.
My Parents divorced when I was about 12 or 13. They didn't follow the typical pattern of most people in the church I've seen get divorced. One parent or the other goes inactive. Neither of my parents did. In fact they became greater members. We met in the same building, just different wards. I still have a hard time with why people go inactive when they get divorced, its not like it's the Lord's fault. I do believe that them staying strong in the church by being active members, taking us and being their with us instead of dropping us off and struggling through those difficult times that were ackward has taught me to do the same. there were times of struggle, but I'm so grateful they got through it. I draw back on those times when I want to give up or when things aren't going right.

I'm not perfect. I'm not some great successful famous woman well known to the world. I'm just me, a mama with a child trying to "get it done." If I've taught my daughter to live successfully and happily and reach all her goals without my constant supervision, I have been successful as a mother.

Thanks Mom & Dad, you did a good job!