Remember back in the day there were consequences for disobedience and follow through of those consequences?
Where did it go? I really never left my house, but sometimes I think I'm the only house in Utah that has instated this method of parenting. I have seen kids yell, hit, back talk and even spit on their parents only to watch the parent say.. "now billy we don't act that way...." Only to have billy slug her in the face or yell in her face NOOOOOOOOOOO, go away!" one more time. True back in the day Billy probably would have gotten "Knocked out!" and had bike taken away for 2 weeks by the parent of the 70's. The parent of the 80's would have just counted to 10 and be very proud that he at least used his words. The parent of the 90's would have put him in time out 1 minute for however many years he was lucky to get away with living while being so disrespectful. What is with the parent of the 00's?
I fear at some point it's just more cool to be a friend than a parent. That sounds all nice and cozy and stuff, but SOMEONE needs to be the parent.
yeah, and someone explain to me the counting thing? I never understood why parent's would ask their kids over and over to do something 3, 5 or 10 times and then count another 3, 5, or 10 times after they STILL haven't done it. This is how it rolled in our home. My father felt he should only have to ask us to do something 1 time. If he asked us to do something a 2nd time, it wasn't with his voice, if ya know what I mean. I DO NOT Suggest that this day and age. However, I also do not suggest asking... and having to keep asking and then counting and counting only to have it result in nothing being done. STOP COUNTING! Give your child their task, let them know you expect it done without having to ask them again, communicate the consequences of it not being done and just follow through with those consequences.
I was speaking with a friend who was having a hard time getting the kids to do chores. As I heard how the events of their day went and how upset he was with how the kids didn't do much of anything that needed to be done, I couldn't help but realize some really easy steps that would have helped the situation. And MOST of them happened to me when I was the kid not getting my stuff done, and it worked.
What kid won't watch TV or play video games instead of chores if mom and dad keep letting them get away with it? I can remember after days and days of my mother yelling at me and my siblings for not getting our chores done during the summer while she was working all day to support us on a small budget, mom had finally had enough. She typically was gone when we woke up in the summer time. And we'd spend the day playing or watching TV. She'd come home and the chores would still not be done.
One day we woke up and the TV was gone. Yup, that's right mom packed it in the back of her car and went to work. Without the tv and not being allowed to go outside until our chores were done, guess what started getting done right quick?
If there's no Tv to watch or no video or computer cames to play then that's not an excuse for them not getting their work done.
Mom did leave us a radio. Even today when I get in that cleaning zone, I have on the radio or my earphones in listening to SOMETHING. It really does help. What also helps is doing chores together. I notice my daughter doesn't really clean unless I'm cleaning. I hate that. I think her chores should be done by the time I get home from work. I STILL think that. I told her one day... "the purpose of you doing your chores before i get home from work is so I can relax after an 8 hour day at the office. If you're vacuuming and banging about dishes and gathering garbage around the house, I can't relax. After that discussion she somewhat took pity on me and started having a bit of her things done before I got home. But I have noticed she is most effective at doing her chores when I'm doing mine own. As much as I hate to admit it T.E.A.M:
Together Everyone Achieves More. We get twice as much done when it's done as a family.
There should be certain times for chores and there should be a time set when they're all done. There should be consequences for not getting them done and not getting them done on time. We must also make sure the the consequences aren't so out of line that it punishes those not involved.
For example: If the child is on a sports team or part of a team event where their absence effects the seam or ensemble as a whole, this punishes more than just themselves. I appreciate that if I got in trouble, I was never held back from a team, orchestra, choir or other event that would effect them. It was usually in the form lack of entertainment, social time and additional chores around the home and yard. There were about 3 years when my daughter missed having a birthday party because she was grounded and didn't get her chores done. The first year she didn't believe I would not throw her a party. The 2nd year she did it out of spite, no skin off my back that was one less thing I had to do. The 3rd year she "didn't want one anyway." Again cool with me, she stayed home and got an ice cream bar and cupcake and I had a girls night out a couple days later.
There needs to be some discomfort and displeasure about discipline and consequences to wrong doing and disobedience. Notice I didn't say pain? That helps, but with todays' abuse laws that decisions is strictly up to the individual families.
Some things are a matter of common sense. If your kids are playing on the computer or video games and other things instead of chores the answer to that is simple.... Take them away. Have a place for them out of site and make it understood they only come out at certain times under certain circumstances. Same with the TV and Cell phones. On thing that I oppose is TV's in the bedrooms, and each child having their own so there's no fighting. Well with no fighting there is also no compromising or learning to share. Each child is selfishly indulged and expecting to have those selfish indulgences fed.
Have we forgotten our homes are our basic training? My sister and I have this joke when we see basic things being ignorantly discarded: "po thang. They didn't get any home training." Or "The parents should be spanked or put in time out for not teaching them."
Some things I'm grateful for:
I'm glad there were only 2 tv's in the house. We had to learn to share the TV time. There were certain days and times I was able to watch the shows I liked and certain days and time my siblings were able to watch the shows they like. There were even times when we negotiated and switched days and time. We learned how to share and compromise none of us had our own TV/VCR/DVD player in our room. Alot of those times we were assembled as a family as well and not each to their own bedrooms like hermits. Our generations behind us are quickly losing basic social and human skills. They're being raised by machines.
What about home responsibilities. It astounds me that there are teenagers out there who's mommy's are still doing their laundry for them. I guess that's ok but, it's what mom's do. But I can remember at the age of 8... or maybe it was 10 being taught how to do my laundry by my father. And he gave each of us a Laundry day. So when Thursday rolled around It was my day to make sure my laundry for the week was done. This freed mom up and taught me how to do laundry. Each of my 3 siblings had their laundry day as well. If I hadn't taken the time needed to wash my clothes, and I had dirty clothes to wear, then it was my fault. This worked especially well when my parent divorced and mom sometimes had to work 12 - 16 hour days. We each has a week of cleaning dishes and kitchen Including the fridge and mopping at the end of the week. There was a week spent in the bathrooms, Dining area, Living/rec Rooms and so on. The boys did dishes as well and my sister and I learned to cut grass and trim hedges. All chores were unisex.
I fear we are doing a disservice to our children by not teaching them well enough the consequences of disobedience. Discipline is out the window and disrespect has flown in like the move "THE BIRDS."
Singles parents should work together to enforce chores, discipline and consequences in both homes. It's still a partnership. Team work is still needed with both parents. Kids should not be able to think they can not do chores at dad's house and then go out to the movies at mom's house. If this sounds familiar and you allow this to happen this would be your kids playing you for suckers.
Alot of parenting is common sense. I'm amazed and when some self declared DR or Therapist come along tooting about some common sense thing that grandma taught 40 years ago. The sad thing is we spend our money making them rich so they can tell us things we already know.
Let's be proactive in our parenting. Kids appreciate discipline and consistency and structure. It serves them well as kids and even more importantly as adults.
Let's get back to basics, parents. It really is time
For example: If the child is on a sports team or part of a team event where their absence effects the seam or ensemble as a whole, this punishes more than just themselves. I appreciate that if I got in trouble, I was never held back from a team, orchestra, choir or other event that would effect them. It was usually in the form lack of entertainment, social time and additional chores around the home and yard. There were about 3 years when my daughter missed having a birthday party because she was grounded and didn't get her chores done. The first year she didn't believe I would not throw her a party. The 2nd year she did it out of spite, no skin off my back that was one less thing I had to do. The 3rd year she "didn't want one anyway." Again cool with me, she stayed home and got an ice cream bar and cupcake and I had a girls night out a couple days later.
There needs to be some discomfort and displeasure about discipline and consequences to wrong doing and disobedience. Notice I didn't say pain? That helps, but with todays' abuse laws that decisions is strictly up to the individual families.
Some things are a matter of common sense. If your kids are playing on the computer or video games and other things instead of chores the answer to that is simple.... Take them away. Have a place for them out of site and make it understood they only come out at certain times under certain circumstances. Same with the TV and Cell phones. On thing that I oppose is TV's in the bedrooms, and each child having their own so there's no fighting. Well with no fighting there is also no compromising or learning to share. Each child is selfishly indulged and expecting to have those selfish indulgences fed.
Have we forgotten our homes are our basic training? My sister and I have this joke when we see basic things being ignorantly discarded: "po thang. They didn't get any home training." Or "The parents should be spanked or put in time out for not teaching them."
Some things I'm grateful for:
I'm glad there were only 2 tv's in the house. We had to learn to share the TV time. There were certain days and times I was able to watch the shows I liked and certain days and time my siblings were able to watch the shows they like. There were even times when we negotiated and switched days and time. We learned how to share and compromise none of us had our own TV/VCR/DVD player in our room. Alot of those times we were assembled as a family as well and not each to their own bedrooms like hermits. Our generations behind us are quickly losing basic social and human skills. They're being raised by machines.
What about home responsibilities. It astounds me that there are teenagers out there who's mommy's are still doing their laundry for them. I guess that's ok but, it's what mom's do. But I can remember at the age of 8... or maybe it was 10 being taught how to do my laundry by my father. And he gave each of us a Laundry day. So when Thursday rolled around It was my day to make sure my laundry for the week was done. This freed mom up and taught me how to do laundry. Each of my 3 siblings had their laundry day as well. If I hadn't taken the time needed to wash my clothes, and I had dirty clothes to wear, then it was my fault. This worked especially well when my parent divorced and mom sometimes had to work 12 - 16 hour days. We each has a week of cleaning dishes and kitchen Including the fridge and mopping at the end of the week. There was a week spent in the bathrooms, Dining area, Living/rec Rooms and so on. The boys did dishes as well and my sister and I learned to cut grass and trim hedges. All chores were unisex.
I fear we are doing a disservice to our children by not teaching them well enough the consequences of disobedience. Discipline is out the window and disrespect has flown in like the move "THE BIRDS."
Singles parents should work together to enforce chores, discipline and consequences in both homes. It's still a partnership. Team work is still needed with both parents. Kids should not be able to think they can not do chores at dad's house and then go out to the movies at mom's house. If this sounds familiar and you allow this to happen this would be your kids playing you for suckers.
Alot of parenting is common sense. I'm amazed and when some self declared DR or Therapist come along tooting about some common sense thing that grandma taught 40 years ago. The sad thing is we spend our money making them rich so they can tell us things we already know.
Let's be proactive in our parenting. Kids appreciate discipline and consistency and structure. It serves them well as kids and even more importantly as adults.
Let's get back to basics, parents. It really is time
2 comments:
Can I get a witness? AMEN!
I cannot agree with this post more.
I love this post!
True words of wisdom.
I would rather be the "mean" mom than the "cool" mom.
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